keeping the pitying smile in check
as she railed against all I was
battering me with insults
I knew exactly what she meant
even as she blamed everyone else
for her turmoil
she itemized my perfection
my ivory tower and knight
my unblemished countenance
while ignoring the blatant scars
I camouflaged tenderly
dismissing my tear tracks
blind to all I had that wasn’t real

she saw scenery
thinking it was the whole play
I think she must have nodded off
during the second act

she begged him to turn off the news
she couldn’t bear any more reality
pettiness and avarice
infiltrated every channel
he tolerated her instability
mostly by ignoring it
forcing them both
to paste smiles and carve pretty days
we may not be afraid anymore
of global thermonuclear war
or plagues
but there’s isolation
amid the information glut
far too many images
glitching our minds
voices from childhood
screaming for us to come back
not turning back
sounds trite
planning ahead
is silly
existing in the moment
feels right
if it’s not but a dream

we’re all just filling time
so many ways, shapes
busyness for no reason
languishing
awaiting answers to questions unasked
ducks lined up neatly
is not the whole story
freedom surrounds, but not really
the popular paths are open
wherever we want to go, within reason
we have all we ask for
in secret prayers long ago
but we find ourselves
bereft and alone
and wishing for less
less to keep track of
less to answer for
and wanting more
more open fields
more open days

sitting still
quiet
it seems
but with quivers
they can’t see
deep inside
calling me
I’m never this quiet
a storm’s brewing
grabbing with both hands
a chance to speak
all that’s left
from decades
of stifled intent
some words will be ethereal
and some will really bruise
but it’s all coming out
it’s all coming soon