pacing at 2am
with soft footfalls
trying not to awaken him
there would be enough to do later
no real solid thought
to try to capture
just a jumbled mass of feelings
panic was briefest
denial came next
healthy dose of fear running throughout
could I do this
was this really happening to me
looking down at the huge, distended shape of my belly
and the little one’s feet and fists knocking on my womb
I was so excited I did not know what to do except pace
for over an hour
until I showered
and that helped calm my nerves
until he woke up
and comically lost his ever-present cool
as I appeared serene
was he as scared as I
as we drove to the hospital
in the middle of the night
when the lights all seemed bright
and the countryside so different
we walked long corridors and spent 20 hours in a blur of activity
until later that summer night
as exhaustion was close
our sweet, sweet boy
was welcomed into the world
and joy overtook everything