She longed for the days of nightmares
Wishing she could run into her parents’ room
Be hugged and bundled
And told she was safe.
She couldn’t remember any dreams that brought light
Or any time she wasn’t scared.
Everything hurt so much
Her head spun with the memories
Stunned by finding herself years later still scared.
She couldn’t be completely certain of being awake or dreaming anymore
She had glimpsed light so bright she couldn’t stand it
She bundled herself off to hide where she found a safe place
No one would think to look right in the open
Or see through what seemed an opening
But was a dream.
Awoke the mind and made her sick
But then at least she wasn’t numb
And it wasn’t real if she could awake.
Dreams with light are for believers in such things
Who haven’t seen anything really ugly
Who haven’t felt the fear of wearing the ugliness like a coat
Who don’t know to welcome fear as something real
And she could walk away from something real.