brain battles

ensconced (entombed) in an easy chair
in the corner of the living room
watching so much life pass me by
it occurs to me I should join in
if only it wasn’t so much effort
they don’t know
how I can feel the strain
of each chemical
warring in my brain
I felt it before I saw the wave
they never saw a thing
but endure the storm they must
there’s nowhere else to go
and I’m so, so sorry
again
for any trouble
it will pass
I’ll be forgiven
but with my softer side off for the night
I won’t forget

river of ink

trusting you
to take me away
keep me sane
hold my thoughts
you’re catching my tears
with the notes
making an ink stained mess
no matter
the thoughts look now
how they felt inside
there’s a river
moving swiftly
with my words
you won’t be able to avoid them all
but I’ll let you distract me
with your eyes
telling stories
outside my head
visiting yours
a new view
for me to see
I forget now
why I cried
when it’s all so terribly
wonderful
I was right
to trust in you

spinning

I’m spinning now but it’s not the glorious adventure I remember
nay, it’s an unsettling, sort of sick feeling
I want to frolic with abandon
but my clumsiness keeps getting in the way

Is there anyone who will take my hand?
help me cross over this little hill
the hill that seems to keep growing as I climb
because I really don’t want to be alone in this

But my cries echo off the boulders strewn in my path
the air seems thin and I can hardly breathe
I stopped my body spinning but I can’t stop my thoughts
spinning, pouring out of my head like a waterfall

The lightness I was looking for has left me
I’m adrift, left to focus on climbing, tripping all the way
why aren’t there others here struggling with me
why am I so alone in this beautiful, terrible place?

Maybe I’m seeing things through the aperture of an illness
that would make so much more sense
than thinking anyone would just leave me without a good reason
or is that indicative of my clumsiness again, thinking I’m not alone?

the other side

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I had to hurry
the trees were curling inwards
threatening to cover the trail
I could barely keep ahead of the destruction

dark pines were dappled with amber light
the smell of smoke pervaded
I still wasn’t sure if this was even real

there was no slowing down
even around the sharp curve
my feet pressed to go faster, further

memories of other escapes assailed me
I could taste the terror
the metallic flavor of fear

I was making my way through the tumult
expecting the hills to fall down around me
but finding a path, though it grew smaller

darkness settled in
eventually comforting me
as it halted the flow of disturbing images

other senses took over
but somehow became skewed
to my own version of reality

was it what I hoped
or what I feared
or was it the truth

any questions I had I held in check
as I realized that though there had to be others
I was in fact alone in this

after traveling far
whether by time or distance, I’m still not sure
a glimmer arose in the horizon
and I knew I was on the other side

Infinite Coil

 

stepping through the infinite coil
careful not to be shredded
there’s no softness on this plane
nowhere to rest your head
tears fall as dust here
laughter rings solemnly
lonely voices sound of discord

wading through dark waters
gauging depth with your toes
no reaction on your face
as you sink deeper and deeper
sleek walls -hard to find purchase
yet grasping and climbing are inevitable
gaining any distance becomes a focus
rather than staying stagnant

forming words is easy
making sense impossible
there’s no kindness here
no one to smooth your brow
ideas flow like a cut vein
until they hemorrhage
lovely lines in harmony