Why didn’t you tell me she was 45, too?

You told me to follow her,
confess, reach, sing.
But how far?

From the inner coil
of a child beaten mid-phrase
to avoiding the knock of bitter ancestors,
was my story
to be a whisper (not sung-
even crows would strain at the edges)…
or could the minutiae be rich
like a glaze on a cake,
the details of my spinning memory
a delicious antidote (anecdote?)
to save myself?

She put on her mother’s coat,
turned on the car,
and died.

But I am fighting that dream to oblivion.
To live the excitable gift.

I am 45, reaching for tomorrow,
sometimes at the expense
of today, since so many yesterdays
sucked color away.
I can fill in the spaces myself now.

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2 thoughts on “Why didn’t you tell me she was 45, too?

  1. Oh my, this is so heart wrenching and sad. In some ways I can relate. You have filled this poem with the hope of a survivor, daring to cling to the excitement we are supposed to find, to feel. I love this one.

    Like

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