My shape

I’ve mostly been comfortable in my skin,
sure of what my body could do
even when I felt like an emotional hurricane.
Mostly the damage stayed inside.
I’ve wondered over my mental state,
the numbness that comes with surviving,
the ever-present swirl of thoughts;
I am my own worst distraction
and best source of entertainment.
It’s been that way since I could first daydream.

I’ve felt a shift with aging,
less sure of my body, more sure
of my thoughts. An adept changeling
-but with emotions still all over the place.
Mostly the damage stays inside.
Maybe I’m not meant for balance in this life,
which is terrifying and exciting
but still wildly entertaining.
The daydreams are more fantastic
and age is a figure shaped like me.